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Sales in different industries

Sales in different industries 0nB59
The given bar-charts gives us information about various industries, about their export earnings. It also gives us idea about the increase in profits and loss in 2016 compare to 2015 in terms of percentage. The sale of petroleum industry was more than 3 percent in 2016 rather than in 2015. The sales in engineered goods have increased good compare to other industries. The sales have risen for about 8. 5 percent in 2016. The gems and jewelry industry suffered a loss of exporting goods for about 5. 18 percent. Agricultural products got slightly increased in export compare to other industries. The have just increased their sale by 0. 81 percent. Textiles industry has got the most increase in profit compare to other industry in export. The company achieved a tremendous growth of 15. 24 percent which is exceptionally good for the company. In this we can conclude that in most of the industry there is a growth compare to last year which is beneficial for nation as well because it directly or in directly affects the growth of nation. Also we can say that this growth helps the workers in that industry or company.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar-charts gives us information about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
, about their export earnings. It
also
gives us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the increase in profits and loss in 2016
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
to 2015 in terms of percentage.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
was more than 3
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percent
in 2016
rather
than in 2015. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in engineered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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sales
have risen for about 8. 5
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percent
in 2016. The gems and jewelry
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industry
suffered a loss of exporting
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goods
for about 5. 18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Agricultural products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
slightly
increased in export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. The have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increased their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
by 0. 81
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Textiles
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industry
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the most increase in profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in export. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
achieved a tremendous
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growth
of 15. 24
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percent
which is
exceptionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In this we can conclude that in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
to last year which is beneficial for nation
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
directly
or in
directly
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
we can say that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the workers in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
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IELTS academic Sales in different industries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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