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RATES OF SMOKING IN SOMELAND

RATES OF SMOKING IN SOMELAND wMapl
The line graph illustrates the amount of frenzied in men and women in Someland during a period from 1960 to 2000 Overall a clear link can be drawn between men and women various trends in the time period While the rates of smoking in women rose a number of with fluctuations, the figure in men fell over time As the graphs shows rates of smoking in men started at 600 percentage in 1960 followed by tiny decrease to around 580 in 1965 then it declined steadily until it fell to merely over 400 % in 1985 However rates of smoking in women started at 100 % in 1960 and then followed by tiny increased and thus the figure experienced considerable growth to 300 percentage in 1975. During a period of 15 years amount of smoking in female remained stable at 300 then which point the figures began to decline and to dropped to 200 in 1995. During This period the estimate of male smokers also began to decline and fall to 270
The line graph illustrates the amount of frenzied in
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men
and
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women
in
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Someland
during a period from 1960 to 2000

Overall
a
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clear
link can
be drawn
between
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men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
various trends in the time period

While the rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
rose a number of with fluctuations, the figure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
fell over time

As the graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 600 percentage in 1960 followed by tiny decrease to around 580 in 1965 then it declined
steadily
until it fell to
merely
over 400 % in 1985

However
rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 100 % in 1960 and then followed by tiny increased and
thus
the figure experienced considerable growth to 300 percentage in 1975.

During a period of 15 years amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in female remained stable at 300 then which point the figures began to decline and to dropped to 200 in 1995. During This period the estimate of male smokers
also
began to decline and fall to 270
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IELTS academic RATES OF SMOKING IN SOMELAND

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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