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Rate of smoking in someland - men and women

Rate of smoking in someland - men and women e3E0W
The line graph describes the smoking rate per thousand people between men and women in Someland over the period 40 years starting from 1960. Looking at the graph, it is obvious that a significant decrease was seen in the number of male smokers over the aforementioned period. Meanwhile, the figure for females rose quite gradually over the same period. The year 1960 witnessed the highest number of men who smoked, at 600 people, while women stood at just under 100 people. Over the 15 following years, male smokers experienced a fall of 100 people, yet they still had more people than the figure for female ones, which was just over 300 in 1975. A similar pattern was seen in the trend of both gender smokers from 1975 to the end of the period, with the male smokers reaching a low of about 250 people. In addition, the number of women who smoked levelled off at around 300 people between 1975 and 1990. This figure fell slowly in the last years and finally, in 2000 the number of smokers was twice as much as those of the beginning.
The line graph
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describes
the smoking rate per thousand
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people
between
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men
and women in
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Someland
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over
the period 40 years starting from 1960.

Looking at the graph, it is obvious that a significant decrease was
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seen
in the
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number
of male smokers
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over
the aforementioned period. Meanwhile, the figure for females rose quite
gradually
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over
the same period.

The
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year
1960 witnessed the highest
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number
of
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men
who smoked, at 600
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people
, while women stood at
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just
under 100
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people
.
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Over
the 15 following years, male smokers experienced a fall of 100
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people
,
yet
they
still
had more
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people
than the figure for female ones, which was
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just
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over
300 in 1975.

A similar pattern was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the trend of both gender smokers from 1975 to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, with the male smokers reaching a low of about 250
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people
.
In addition
, the
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number
of women who smoked levelled off at around 300
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people
between 1975 and 1990. This figure fell
slowly
in the last years and
finally
, in 2000 the
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number
of smokers was twice as much as those of the beginning.
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IELTS academic Rate of smoking in someland - men and women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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