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proportion of australian who exercise

proportion of australian who exercise MyGeq
The chart shows the proportion of Australian people who exercised regularly in 2010, categorized by age and gender (according to gender and age). Overall, the exercise pattern of each gender group fluctuated with age, however, women were generally more engaged in physical activity than their male counterparts as they got older (as people aged). Middle-aged women (35-64) were the most physically active group with around 53% of them exercising frequently. Males this age, on the other hand, did the least physical activity. To be specific, only 39. 5% of men aged 35-44 often exercised, which is the lowest figure on the chart. Although the figure rose to 45. 1% in men between 45 and 64 years old, it remained lower than that of women the same age. Younger women (25-34) were also more active than men (48. 9% and 42. 2%, respectively), but the trend reversed for those in the youngest group (15-24) where 52. 8% of men did regular exercise, compared to 47. 7% of women. Finally, males and females in the oldest age bracket (65 and over) had nearly the same level of participation in regular physical activity, at about 47%.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the proportion of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who exercised
regularly
in 2010, categorized by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and gender (according to gender and
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age)
.
Overall
, the exercise pattern of each gender group fluctuated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
however
,
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women
were
generally
more engaged in physical activity than their male counterparts as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
older (as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged).

Middle-aged
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women
(35-64) were the most
physically
active group with around 53% of them exercising
frequently
. Males this
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age
,
on the other hand
, did the least physical activity. To be specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
39. 5% of
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men
aged 35-44
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exercised, which is the lowest figure on the chart.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the figure rose to 45. 1% in
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men
between 45 and 64 years
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old
, it remained lower than that of
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women
the same
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age
. Younger
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women
(25-34) were
also
more active than
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men
(48. 9% and 42. 2%,
respectively
),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the trend reversed for those in the youngest group (15-24) where 52. 8% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did regular exercise, compared to 47. 7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Finally
, males and females in the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket (65 and over) had
nearly
the same level of participation in regular physical activity, at about 47%.
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IELTS academic proportion of australian who exercise

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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