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Percentage of women and men who passed their driving test in one Asian country's 1980-2010

Percentage of women and men who passed their driving test in one Asian country's 1980-2010 1VmwG
The graph represents the proportion of males and females who got their driving licenses from 1980 to 2000 in an Asian country Overall, both numbers of participants who passed their driving tests increased steadily during this period of 30 years. However, the number of women who succeeded in their test was significantly higher than men. At the beginning of the period in 1980, approximately 48% of women achieved their driving qualification while only 28% of men made it. This figure continuously rose and reached the top 20 years later. The percentage of females who passed remained higher than men, 68% and 49% respectively. By 2010, there was a slight change in the tendency. The number of women who passed the test slightly dropped from the top of 68% to 63% while the percentage of men passing remained the same as the last decade.
The graph represents the proportion of males and females
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their driving licenses from 1980 to 2000 in an Asian country

Overall
, both numbers of participants
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who
passed their driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
increased
steadily
during this period of 30 years.
However
, the number of women
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who
succeeded in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
was
significantly
higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

At the beginning of the period in 1980, approximately 48% of women achieved their driving qualification while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
28% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
made it. This figure
continuously
rose and reached the top 20 years later. The percentage of females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
passed remained higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, 68% and 49%
respectively
.

By 2010, there was a slight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the tendency. The number of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
passed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
slightly
dropped from the top of 68% to 63% while the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
passing remained the same as the last decade.
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IELTS academic Percentage of women and men who passed their driving test in one Asian country's 1980-2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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