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Percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world

Percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world Dr8p
The picture illustrate six pie charts of Percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world which were North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, South East Asia. The pie charts represented the uses of water by three section of plain white as Industrial use, Agricultural use and Domestic use as stripes and plain black respectively. For the significant uses of Agricultural uses of water were shown by Central Asia of eighty-eight percentage. While Africa was surprisingly came up as the second place of this category by slightly less than the Central Asia in the first place by approximately 4 percentage. While in the section of Domestic use of Central Asia and South East Asia were shown identical seven percentage. The most use of Industrial use was Europe of just a little more than half of one hundred percentage.
The picture
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illustrate
six pie charts of
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Percentage
of water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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different
purpose in six areas of the world which were North America, South America, Europe, Africa,
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Central
Asia, South East Asia. The pie charts represented the
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uses
of water by three
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section
of plain white as Industrial
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use
, Agricultural
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use
and Domestic
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use
as stripes and plain black
respectively
. For the significant
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uses
of Agricultural
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uses
of water
were shown
by
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Central
Asia of eighty-eight
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percentage
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Africa was
surprisingly
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came
up as the second place of this category by
slightly
less than the
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Central
Asia in the
first
place by approximately 4
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percentage
. While in the section of Domestic
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use
of
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Central
Asia and South East Asia
were shown
identical seven
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percentage
. The most
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use
of Industrial
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use
was Europe of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than half of one hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.

IELTS academic Percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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