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Percentage of people who ate five portions per day

Percentage of people who ate five portions per day LGQBR
This chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the United Kingdom. The survey was set from 2001 to 2008. The survey started from 2001, when 10% to 15% children, 15% to 20% men and around 20% to 25% of women had 5 portions of a full day work. With gradual passing of the year, the percentage started increasing to the point, where in 2006, the peak for women was registered. The same can be said for the statistics showing men. The results given around 2006 and 2007, have men competing with the same percentage. The percentage of children, however, was the highest in 2007. By the end of 2008, men constituted 25% to 30% of the survey for getting full 5 meals a day. In case of women, it is around 30% and around 20% to 25% of children eat in 2008.
This chart
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shows
the
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percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the United Kingdom. The survey
was set
from 2001 to 2008. The survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 2001, when 10% to 15% children, 15% to 20%
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men
and
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around
20% to 25% of women had 5 portions of a full day work. With gradual passing of the year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing to the point, where in 2006, the peak for women
was registered
. The same can
be said
for the statistics showing
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men
. The results
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given
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around
2006 and 2007, have
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men
competing with the same
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percentage
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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percentage
of children,
however
, was the highest in 2007. By the
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end
of 2008,
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men
constituted 25% to 30% of the survey for getting full 5 meals a day. In case of women, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
30% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
20% to 25% of children eat in 2008.
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IELTS academic Percentage of people who ate five portions per day

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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