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Pay to charity in 1990 and 2010

Pay to charity in 1990 and 2010 EdjLD
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of age range of British people that they give money to philanthropy in 1990 and 2010. First, it is apparent that people who age 36-50 in 1990 was paid to donation in the highest number. Next, 3 age range that it share the relative number of 31%, 32% and 35% was 26-35 years, more than 65 and 51-65 years, respectively. And the lowest number in 1990 was 18-25 years. In the other hand, the people age 51-65 in 2010 was given cash to fund the most and followed by 35% of 36-50 years and more than 65 years. Last but not least, people age 26-35 years gave money to charity around 24%. Last, age range that they had a very few number in 2010 is 18-25 years. Overall, in the first three of age range, in 1990 were clearly higher than in 2010. But in the last 2 age range, in 2010 had a higher number.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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age
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range
of British
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people
that they give money to philanthropy in 1990 and 2010.

First
, it is apparent that
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people
who
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age
36-50 in 1990
was paid
to donation in the highest
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number
.
Next
, 3
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age
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range
that it share the relative
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number
of 31%, 32% and 35% was 26-35 years, more than 65 and 51-65 years,
respectively
. And the lowest
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number
in 1990 was 18-25 years.

In the other hand, the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
51-65 in 2010 was
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given
cash to fund the most and followed by 35% of 36-50 years and more than 65 years. Last
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but
not least,
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people
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age
26-35 years gave money to charity around 24%. Last,
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age
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range
that they had a
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very
few
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number
in 2010 is 18-25 years.

Overall
, in the
first
three of
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age
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range
, in 1990 were
clearly
higher than in 2010.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the last 2
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
, in 2010 had a higher
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number
.
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IELTS academic Pay to charity in 1990 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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