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Online Shopping sales for travel, film and music

Online Shopping sales for travel, film and music VBYEK
The pie charts give information about the percentage of online commerce transactions for travel, film, music, books, and clothes in New Zealand in two different periods. Overall the seles of film, music, and books experience an upward trend over the decade, while travel and clothes are suffering a downward trend in 2013 in New Zealand. In 2003 film, music and book become the lowest selected by costumer which was film had 21%, music 21% and books 19% yet it experienced upward trend after the decade and become the highest selection of online transaction by the customer. Music and film rose 12% and Book rose 3%. Then the percentage of online commerce became the highest selections in 2003. Respectively, 36%, and 24% but after ten periods. Travel fell down approximately 7% for travel and 8%. It is worth noticing that in 2013 music and films influenced online sales in Newzealand even though ten years ago music and films did not affect online sales.
The pie charts give information about the percentage of
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online
commerce transactions for
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travel
, film,
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music
,
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books
, and clothes in New Zealand in two
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different
periods.

Overall
the
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seles
of film,
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music
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
experience an upward trend over the decade, while
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travel
and clothes are suffering a downward trend in 2013 in New Zealand.

In 2003 film,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
become the lowest selected by costumer which was film had 21%,
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music
21% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
19%
yet
it experienced upward trend after the decade and become the highest selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transaction by the customer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and film rose 12% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Book
rose 3%.

Then the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
commerce became the highest selections in 2003.
Respectively
, 36%, and 24%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after ten periods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travel
fell down approximately 7% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
and 8%. It is worth noticing that in 2013
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and films influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sales in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzealand
even though
ten years ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and films did not affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sales.
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IELTS academic Online Shopping sales for travel, film and music

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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