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Number of visitors visiting Carribean island

Number of visitors visiting Carribean island WqbyW
The line graph below illustrates the number of visitors who visit a particular Caribbean island in the period between 2010 and 2017. It is obvious from the figure, that some of the tourists were staying on cruise ships and other of them staying on the island. We could show in clear view, that the range of travelers who staying on cruise ships was around a quarter millions in 2010, then it's increased dramatically to two millions by the year 2017. In the meantime, the number of visitors staying on the island was above half in the year 2010 and remain steady till the next year, increasing rapidly again to the year 2013, then became stable until it's reached one and a half millions by 2017. The total number of tourists was raised rapidly from 2010 to its highest in 2017 from one to four millions travelers. To sum up, the amount of visitors who's staying on cruise ships was more than those who's staying on the island by around a half million.
The line graph below illustrates the number of visitors who visit a particular Caribbean island in the period between 2010 and 2017.

It is obvious from the figure, that
some of the
tourists were
staying
on cruise ships and other of them
staying
on the island.

We could
show
in
clear
view, that the range of travelers who
staying
on cruise ships was around a quarter
millions
in 2010, then it's increased
dramatically
to two
millions
by the
year
2017.

In the meantime, the number of visitors
staying
on the island was above half in the
year
2010 and remain steady till the
next
year
, increasing
rapidly
again to the
year
2013, then became stable until it's reached one and a half
millions
by 2017.

The total number of tourists
was raised
rapidly
from 2010 to its highest in 2017 from one to four
millions
travelers.

To sum up, the amount of visitors who's
staying
on cruise ships was more than those
who's
staying
on the island by around a half
million
.
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IELTS academic Number of visitors visiting Carribean island

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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