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Number of tourists visiting a Caribbean Island (2010-2017)

The graph represents the number of tourists visiting to a caribbean island, over a period of seven years, from 2010. Overall, the number of tourists visiting a caribbean island from 2010 to 2017, staying on cruise or island are represented. Initially, in 2010, a million people coming to island stayed on both, island as well as cruise, but the majority of them lived on island, than on cruise. In 2011, there was no raise in the number of tourist’s hoteling on island, but same, about 0. 5 million, but a raise in number of visitors staying on ships, about a quarter million. In 2012, there as elevation of tourists staying on island of about half a million, whereas the visitors hoteling on cruise decreased. In 2013 and onwards till 2017, the number of visitors were continuously increasing on cruise ships, almost half a million per year. Over a period of three years, from 2013 to 2015, there was consistency among the population of tourists staying on island, about one and a half million. On island, the number of visitors were reduced, and simultaneously number of tourists on ships increased, approximately 0. 25 million, in the year 2015. In the next year, the tourists population reached almost 2. 5million, on land as well as water, where most of these stayed on ships.
The graph represents the
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number
of
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tourists
visiting to a
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caribbean
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island
, over a period of seven years, from 2010.

Overall
, the
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number
of
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tourists
visiting a
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caribbean
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island
from 2010 to 2017,
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staying
on
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cruise
or
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island
are represented
.

Initially
, in 2010, a
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming to
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island
stayed on both,
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island
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
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cruise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
on
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island
, than on
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cruise
. In 2011, there was no raise in the
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number
of
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tourist’s
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hoteling
on
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island
,
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but
same, about 0. 5
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million
,
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but
a raise in
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number
of
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visitors
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staying
on
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ships
, about a quarter
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million
. In 2012, there as elevation of
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tourists
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staying
on
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island
of about half a
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million
, whereas the
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visitors
Possible spelling mistake found.
hoteling
on
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cruise
decreased.

In 2013 and onwards till 2017, the
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number
of
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visitors
were
continuously
increasing on
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cruise
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ships
, almost half a
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million
per
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year
. Over a period of three years, from 2013 to 2015, there was consistency among the population of
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tourists
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staying
on
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island
, about one and a half
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million
. On
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island
, the
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number
of
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visitors
were
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reduced
, and
simultaneously
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number
of
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tourists
on
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ships
increased, approximately 0. 25
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million
, in the
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year
2015. In the
next
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year
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "tourists'" or "tourist's"?
tourists
population reached almost 2.
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5million
, on land
as well
as water, where most of these stayed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ships
.
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IELTS academic Number of tourists visiting a Caribbean Island (2010-2017)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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