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Number of tourists per month in summer

Number of tourists per month in summer JwEAD
The supplied line graph compares the number of sightseers who visited three countries in the summer months of 2009. Units are measured in percentages. Overall, in spite of the fact that Japan had by far the most visitors at the beginning of the period, it dropped at the end, whereas, Thailand and Singapore increased more people at the end of the summer than the started month. Most tourists went to Singapore in June and September, while the least people visited Thailand in these months. In June, Japan was dominant, according to visitors, however in September there were more visitors than two others. In Thailand, there were nearly as many tourists in the month of July as August in 2009 with a minimal change showing 2 thousand and 1. 9 thousand. Japan had 2. 5 thousand visitors in July and this data was constant in August too. In July Singapore had 4 thousand visitors and this number dipped to 3 thousand in August. ----Edited---- The supplied line graph compares the number of sightseers who visited three countries in the summer months of 2009. Units are measured in percentages. Overall, in spite of the fact that Japan had by far the most visitors at the beginning of the period, it dropped at the end, whereas, Thailand and Singapore increased more visitors at the end of the summer than the started month. Most tourists went to Singapore in June and September, while the least people visited Thailand in these months. In June, Japan was dominant, according to visitors, however in September there were more visitors than two others. In Thailand, there were nearly as many tourists in the month of July as August in 2009 with a minimal change showing 2 thousand and 1. 9 thousand. Japan had 2. 5 thousand visitors in July and this data was constant in August too. In July Singapore had 4 thousand visitors and this number dipped to 3 thousand in August.
The supplied line graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sightseers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
three countries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of 2009. Units
are measured
in percentages.

Overall
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had by far the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
at the beginning of the period, it dropped at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
, whereas, Thailand and Singapore increased more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
month.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
went to Singapore in June and September, while the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
Thailand in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
. In June,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was dominant, according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
,
however
in September there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
than two others.

In Thailand, there were
nearly
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of July as August in 2009 with a minimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
showing 2 thousand and 1. 9 thousand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had 2. 5 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in July and this data was constant in August too. In July Singapore had 4 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
dipped to 3 thousand in August.

----Edited----

The supplied line graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sightseers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
three countries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of 2009. Units
are measured
in percentages.

Overall
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had by far the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
at the beginning of the period, it dropped at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
, whereas, Thailand and Singapore increased more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
month.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
went to Singapore in June and September, while the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
Thailand in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
. In June,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was dominant, according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
,
however
in September there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
than two others.

In Thailand, there were
nearly
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of July as August in 2009 with a minimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
showing 2 thousand and 1. 9 thousand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had 2. 5 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in July and this data was constant in August too. In July Singapore had 4 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
dipped to 3 thousand in August.
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IELTS academic Number of tourists per month in summer

Academic
  American English
9 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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