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number of phones sold for a period of 6 years

number of phones sold for a period of 6 years Vw9Pm
The table illustrates some big phones companies and the number of cell phones sold by them. Overall, on the top of the sales is Samsung. Also, a visible success during the years has Apple. However, firms like Ericsson and Motorola went down considerable. For a period of six years, Nokia had a fluctuation in its sales. Strating with 2006 this company was at the top of the list. It number of mobile phones sold was increasing during a year, and deacreasing a little during another. In 2008, and 2010 are more successful then 2007 and 2009. Further more, it
The table illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the number of cell phones sold by them.

Overall
, on the top of the sales is Samsung.
Also
, a visible success during the years has Apple.
However
, firms like Ericsson and Motorola went down considerable.

For a period of six years, Nokia had a fluctuation in its sales.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Strating
with 2006 this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
was at the top of the list.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'It'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
It number
of mobile phones sold was increasing during a year, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
deacreasing
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
during another. In 2008, and 2010 are more successful
Did you mean "than"?
then
2007 and 2009.
Further
more,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS academic number of phones sold for a period of 6 years

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
98 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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