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Needed time to work to buy a car in Asian countries

Needed time to work to buy a car in Asian countries BL3g6
The graph compares the GDP per capita, cost of a Toyota Camry and approximate length of time it takes for 1 citizen to purchase that mode of transport in eight Asian countries. Despite having the second lowest average yearly income, it costs more to buy this car in Vietnam than in all but one other Asian nation. It also takes significantly longer for a standard person to buy an automobile in Vietnam than in any other state in Asia. On the other end of the scale, Singaporeans have to pay nearly three times more for their cars than the Vietnamese and it takes them the least amount of time to afford a motor vehicle. It costs $49, 944 to buy a Toyota Camry in Vietnam, but this dwarfs the average yearly income per person at just $1, 910. It would therefore take a normal man or woman 26. 1 years to save up for that particular car. This is in contrast to Singapore where it costs $126, 245 for that model of motorcar, however the average salary is much greater at $55, 182. This means that it generally takes just over 2 years for a typical individual from Singapore to acquire this vehicle.
The graph compares the GDP per capita,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of a Toyota Camry and approximate length of time it takes for 1 citizen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
that mode of transport in eight Asian countries.

Despite having the second lowest average yearly income, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this car in Vietnam than in all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one other Asian nation. It
also
takes
significantly
longer for a standard person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an automobile in Vietnam than in any other state in Asia. On the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the scale, Singaporeans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
nearly
three times more for their cars than the Vietnamese and it takes them the least amount of time to afford a motor vehicle.

It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
$49, 944 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a Toyota Camry in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this dwarfs the average yearly income per person at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
$1, 910. It would
therefore
take a normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman 26. 1 years to save up for that particular car.

This is
in contrast
to Singapore where it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
$126, 245 for that model of motorcar,
however
the average salary is much greater at $55, 182. This means that it
generally
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2 years for a typical individual from Singapore to acquire this vehicle.
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IELTS academic Needed time to work to buy a car in Asian countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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