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mixed chart - the changes in uk steel industry between 1970 to 2000

mixed chart - the changes in uk steel industry between 1970 to 2000 rY77L
The graph illustrates the production and demand of steel in U. K. for span of three decades. Overall it shows that the demand for steel has been decreasing and so has the production also which has resulted in increase of steel imports. Along with decrease in manufacturing it has also caused continuous decline in personnel linked with steel industry. The requirement of steel in U. K. was at peak during 1970 which has shown continuous downfall since the upto 1990 after which it has almost became stable. Along with decrease in demand the production of steel has also gone down with a continuous rate upto 1990 continued with straight line thereafter. U. K. was self sufficient in year 1970 for steel as import was negligible. But during the course of time with decrease in production dependency on imports have been increased drastically and by 2000 it shows almost equal amount of making and purchasing of steel. Due to obvious reasons of decrease in production and increase in imports have resulted in huge amount of unemployment in the sector.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
in U. K. for span of three decades.
Overall
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
has been decreasing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
also
which has resulted in increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imports
. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in manufacturing it has
also
caused continuous decline in personnel linked with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
industry.

The requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
in U. K. was at peak during 1970 which has shown continuous downfall since the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
1990 after which it has almost
Use the past participle "become" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
became
stable. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in demand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
has
also
gone down with a continuous rate
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
1990 continued with straight line thereafter. U. K. was
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
in year 1970 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
import
was negligible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
during the course of time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imports
have
been increased
drastically
and by 2000 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
almost equal amount of making and purchasing of steel.

Due to obvious reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imports
have resulted in huge amount of unemployment in the sector.
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IELTS academic mixed chart - the changes in uk steel industry between 1970 to 2000

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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