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line graph and bar chart show information about visited from and to the UK

line graph and bar chart show information about visited from and to the UK x8BJ9
The line graph illustrates the number of visits to and from the UK between 1979 and 1999, and the bar chart indicates the most commonly visited countries by the British in the year 1999. Overall, people from the UK went aborad more than other people visited the UK, and numbers of trips either way had increased over the period given. France was the most popular destination for the British, while Turkey was the least visited country among the five listed. The number of people who visited the UK in 1979 was about 10 million, which had gradually increased to reach well under 30 millions in1999. On the other hand, considerably over 10 million people left the UK to visit another country in 1979; this number had dramatically increased to well above 50 million by1999. Regarding visits from the UK to other countries during 1999, France was visited by over 10 million people from the UK. Similarly, there was less than 10 million visited to Spain. While Turkey was the least popular destination at below 5 million visits. USA and Greece had slightly more visitors than Turkey.
The line graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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visits
to and from the UK between 1979 and 1999, and the bar chart indicates the most
commonly
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visited
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countries
by the British in the year 1999.

Overall
,
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people
from the UK went
Possible spelling mistake found.
aborad
more than other
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people
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visited
the UK, and
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numbers
of trips either way had increased over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. France was the most popular destination for the British, while Turkey was the least
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visited
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country
among the five listed.

The
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number
of
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people
who
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visited
the UK in 1979 was about 10
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million
, which had
gradually
increased to reach well under 30
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millions
in1999.
On the other hand
,
considerably
over 10
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million
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the UK to
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visit
another
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country
in 1979; this
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number
had
dramatically
increased to well above 50
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million
by1999.

Regarding
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visits
from the UK to other
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countries
during 1999, France was
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visited
by over 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the UK.
Similarly
, there was less than 10
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
to Spain.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Turkey was the least popular destination at below 5
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
. USA and Greece had
slightly
more visitors than Turkey.

IELTS academic line graph and bar chart show information about visited from and to the UK

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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