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Line graph about the obesity percentage of women and men in USA

Line graph about the obesity percentage of women and men in USA bEPNl
The line graph illustrates the proportion of obesity for both men and women in the USA over an eight-year period, from 2000 to 2008. It is clear that the obesity rates of both genders had upward trends during the period. Despite the fact that women’s rate is higher than men’s all the time, men’s rate underwent the most tremendous change over the period. In 2000, the percentage of women overweight took up 34 percent, which was far higher than that in men which took up 28 percent. However, while the number of obese women maintained the same level for the following two years, this number in men increased slightly to approximately 31%. In the period 2002-2004, the gap between the proportion of men and women was narrowed. The figure of females had a small growth from 34 to 35 percent when that in male recorded a surge to 33%, increased by 4% for 2 years. In the last half of period, the percentage of obese women climbed up gradually, reached the peak of 40 in the end of period. The bigger rise was seen in the men’s figure which increased sharply throughout 2006 and 2008. It soared by 6 percent and bridged the gap with women, fewer 1% than women.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of obesity for both
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men
and
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women
in the USA over an eight-year
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period
, from 2000 to 2008.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the obesity rates of both genders had upward trends during the
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period
. Despite the fact that
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women’s
rate is higher than
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men’s
all the time,
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men’s
rate underwent the most tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the period.

In 2000, the percentage of
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women
overweight took up 34
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percent
, which was far higher than that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
which took up 28
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percent
.
However
, while the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
maintained the same level for the following two years, this number in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
increased
slightly
to approximately 31%. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
2002-2004, the gap between the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was narrowed
. The figure of females had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
growth from 34 to 35
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percent
when that in male recorded a surge to 33%, increased by 4% for 2 years.

In the last half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the percentage of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
climbed up
gradually
, reached the peak of 40 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
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period
. The bigger rise was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
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men’s
figure which increased
sharply
throughout 2006 and 2008. It soared by 6
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percent
and bridged the gap with
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women
, fewer 1% than
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women
.
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IELTS academic Line graph about the obesity percentage of women and men in USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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