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Leisure Time Activities of European Adults

Leisure Time Activities of European Adults R2jrY
Given are two graphs which demonstrate and compares the hobbies of adults in the years 1985 and 1995. Taking a glance first graph (1985), we observe that prominently consists of five different parts. Thirsty two percent of adults chose to dedicate their time to watch TV in their time of leisure. Aforementioned activity sits comfortably at top of chart and was favored by most of the adult population in said year. Next up in line is eating out, with it being favored by twenty three percent of people. Followed up closely by chatting and hanging out with friends, which was the go-to for 21 percent of adults. Finally, talking with members of family allocated the second least space in chart to itself with it being only the choice made by 18 percent of people. The remaining 6 percent of adult population decide on different other activities. Onto the second chart (1995), we immediately notice the effect of emergence of computer games, nearly catching up to favoured task in past decade (watching TV) with being the choice of 27 percent of adults. Watching TV, however, remains at top by allocating 30 percent of adult population leisure time to itself. We notice a striking decline in desire to spend free time with family with being reduced to be only favoured by 7 percent of adults.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
are two graphs which demonstrate and compares the hobbies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in the years 1985 and 1995.

Taking a glance
first
graph (1985), we observe that
prominently
consists of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts. Thirsty two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
chose to dedicate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of leisure. Aforementioned activity sits
comfortably
at top of chart and
was favored
by most of the adult population in said year.
Next
up in line is eating out, with it
being favored
by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty three
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percent
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Followed up
closely
by chatting and hanging out with friends, which was the go-to for 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Finally
, talking with members of family allocated the second least space in chart to itself with it being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the choice made by 18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The remaining 6
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percent
of adult population decide on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
other activities.

Onto the second chart (1995), we immediately notice the effect of emergence of computer games,
nearly
catching up to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
task in past decade (watching TV) with being the choice of 27
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. Watching TV,
however
, remains at top by allocating 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of adult population leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to itself. We notice a striking decline in desire to spend free
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time
with family with being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
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IELTS academic Leisure Time Activities of European Adults

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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