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KEEP STRIVING- FEEDBACK ON YOU WRITING:)

KEEP STRIVING- FEEDBACK ON YOU WRITING: ) 3Wlp5
The given bar charts provide information about the rates of marriage and divorce from 1970 to 2000. Additionally, the charts also give the marital status of American adults in 1970 and 2000 It is clear that the marriage proportion was twice as high as the divorces one and the rates of marriages were stable at 2-2. 5 over years. In the second charts, the married had the highest percentages in both 1970 and 2000. Turning into detail, in the first bar charts, the marriage rates decreased from 2, 5 million to 2 million from 1970 to 2000. To be more specific, between 1970 and 1990, the rates stabilized at around 2. 5-2. 25 before a decrease to 2 million in 2000. The divorce rate was stable at the number of 1 million over time except for 1, 5 million in 1980. As can be seen from the second chart, the percentages of married American couples were the highest while the divorced and widowed had the lowest rates. The married status indicated a downward trend from 70% to 60% from 1970 to 2000 and the widowed one showed the same result. By contrast, the never married and divorced rates showed an upward trend over time, especially that the divorced rates witnessed a soar from nearly 0% in 1970 to almost 10% in 2000
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar
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charts
provide information about the
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rates
of
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marriage
and divorce from 1970 to 2000.
Additionally
, the
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charts
also
give the marital status of American adults in 1970 and 2000

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
proportion was twice as high as the divorces one and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
were stable at 2-2. 5 over years. In the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
, the married had the highest percentages in both 1970 and 2000.

Turning into detail, in the
first
bar
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charts
, the
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marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
decreased from 2, 5
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million
to 2
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million
from 1970 to 2000. To be more specific, between 1970 and 1990, the
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rates
stabilized at around 2. 5-2. 25
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a decrease to 2
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million
in 2000. The divorce
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rate
was stable at the number of 1
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million
over time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
1, 5
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million
in 1980.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the second
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chart
, the percentages of married American couples were the highest while the divorced and widowed had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. The married status indicated a downward trend from 70% to 60% from 1970 to 2000 and the widowed one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same result. By contrast, the never married and divorced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend over time,
especially
that the divorced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
witnessed a soar from
nearly
0% in 1970 to almost 10% in 2000
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IELTS academic KEEP STRIVING- FEEDBACK ON YOU WRITING: )

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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