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it is given about japanese tourism

it is given about japanese tourism pJDEa
The given bar graph illustrates number of citizens of Japan who were travelling to abroad countries and Australia's share in Japan tourism is shown in the form of line graph in the time period of 1985 to 1995. Overall, it can be summarized from the graph that, the highest numbers of travelers visited other countries from Japan in the year of 1995, while contribution of Australia in Japanese tourism kept increasing in the 10 year of time period. It is evident from the graph that, numbers of Japanese tourist who travelled to abroad countries were continuously growing throughout the given time period. Breaking down, in the year of 1985 the least number of Japanese citizens who visited various nations which was 5 million and these showed gradually increment till the year of 1990 which reached upto 11 million. In the year 1992, it dipped by half milloin however, after 1992 it steadily increased till 1995 which was around 15 million travelers of Japan who prefered to visit other countries. Talking about Australian share in Japanese tourism, in 1985 it was 2% which was the all time lowest further, it was escalated sharply till 1989 as it was 4. 5%. Nevertheless, this share reduced by 0. 5% in 1990 but after, it boosted up to 6. 2% in 1994 and in the last year it gradually decreased by 0. 2%. Hence, it can be said that as the years pass number of people who visited abroad countries from Japan increased, moreover, share of Australia also rocketed in the decade.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar
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graph
illustrates
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number
of citizens of
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Japan
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who
were travelling to abroad
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countries
and Australia's
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share
in
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Japan
tourism
is shown
in the form of line
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graph
in the
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time
period of 1985 to 1995.

Overall
, it can
be summarized
from the
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graph
that, the highest
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numbers
of travelers visited other
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countries
from
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Japan
in the
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year
of 1995, while contribution of Australia in Japanese tourism
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kept
increasing in the 10
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year
of
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time
period.

It is evident from the
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graph
that,
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numbers
of Japanese tourist
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who
travelled to abroad
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countries
were
continuously
growing throughout the
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given
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time
period. Breaking down, in the
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year
of 1985 the least
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number
of Japanese citizens
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who
visited various nations which was 5 million and these
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showed
gradually
increment till the
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year
of 1990 which reached
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upto
11 million. In the
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year
1992, it dipped by half
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milloin
however
, after 1992 it
steadily
increased till 1995 which was around 15 million travelers of
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Japan
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who
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
to visit other
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countries
. Talking about Australian
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share
in Japanese tourism, in 1985 it was 2% which was the all
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time
lowest
further
, it
was escalated
sharply
till 1989 as it was 4. 5%.
Nevertheless
, this
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share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 0. 5% in 1990
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but
after, it boosted up to 6. 2% in 1994 and in the last
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year
it
gradually
decreased by 0. 2%.
Hence
, it can
be said
that as the years pass
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visited abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from
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Japan
increased,
moreover
,
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share
of Australia
also
rocketed in the decade.

IELTS academic it is given about japanese tourism

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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