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i have quit my job and it is hindering my performance

i have quit my job and it is hindering my performance XGP1r
Several key trends are revealed by the graph showing variations about global population and distribution of wealth in eight different countries, in same region. These figures are expressed in percentage (%). Overall, it can be seen that the countries with the highest wealth distribution have the least percentage of people, as opposed to countries with the highest rate of population provide the least wealth. Most noticeable of all, it can be seen that, North America, Europe and Rich Asia-Pacific wealth is heavily concentrated which account for almost 90% of global wealth. In contrast, North America and Rich-Asia-Pacific together account for slightly over 10% of the global population. It is also worth pointing out that, India and Africa share almost same amount of wealth which can be assumed 1%, China shows around 28% of population and become top for population in chart. The other Asia-Pacific reached second in population with around 18% and the Latin America and Caribbean having around 8%.
Several key trends
are revealed
by the graph showing variations about global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
in eight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, in same region. These figures
are expressed
in percentage (%).

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the countries with the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
distribution have the least percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, as opposed to countries with the highest rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
provide the least wealth.

Most noticeable of all, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, North America, Europe and Rich Asia-Pacific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
is
heavily
concentrated which account for almost 90% of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
.
In contrast
, North America and Rich-Asia-Pacific together account for
slightly
over 10% of the global population.

It is
also
worth pointing out that, India and Africa share almost same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
which can
be assumed
1%, China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
around 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and become top for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in chart. The other Asia-Pacific reached second in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
with around 18% and the Latin America and Caribbean having around 8%.
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IELTS academic i have quit my job and it is hindering my performance

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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