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how the children aged 10-11 spend time on computers and watching televisions

how the children aged 10-11 spend time on computers and watching televisions 3LoA5
The graph illustrates how the children aged 10-11 spend time on computers and watching televisions have transformed over the past few years. In the past, children spent more time watching television and less time on computers but now this trend seems to have reversed. Between 2000 and 2003, the time children spent watching television remained the same, at an average of 21 hours per week. Then this figure fell, reaching a low of 15 hours per week by 2004. Since then, apart from a slight fluctuation, the figures shave stabilised at this level. Computer use, on the other hand, shows a different trend, starting in 2000 at three hours per week and rising to a weekly figure of 10 hours on 2003. This was then followed by a surge which reached 15 hours per week by 2004 and currently this trend seems to be on increase. Clearly computer use is becoming more popular than TV viewing.
The graph illustrates how the children aged 10-11 spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers and watching televisions have transformed over the past few years.

In the past, children spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this trend seems to have reversed.

Between 2000 and 2003, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
children spent watching television remained the same, at an average of 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. Then this figure fell, reaching a low of 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
by 2004. Since then, apart from a slight fluctuation, the figures shave
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilised' is British English.
stabilised
at this level.

Computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trend, starting in 2000 at three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
and rising to a weekly figure of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on 2003. This was then followed by a surge which reached 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
by 2004 and
currently
this trend seems to be on increase.

Clearly
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is becoming more popular than TV viewing.
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IELTS academic how the children aged 10-11 spend time on computers and watching televisions

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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