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honey bee colonies and honey bee production in US

honey bee colonies and honey bee production in US kWqXK
There are 2 bar charts which show the information about honey-bee in US from 1970 to 2010, the first one shows the number of honey-bee colonies and the second one shows the amount of honey production. In 1970, there were 4 millions honey-bee colonies and then after 10 years, these figures rose up to 4, 2 millions. However, in 1990, the number of colonies fell to 3, 5 millions and decreased during 20 years after. Specifically, in 2000, there were approximately 2, 6 millions and then fell down to 1, 8 millions in 2010. Meanwhile, the amount of honey-bee production were 130, 000 tonnes in 1970 and dropped to 110, 000 tonnes in 1980. In contrast, these figures rose to 120, 000 in 1990 and then decreased every ten years. Thus, in 2000 there were 100, 000 tonnes and then in 2010, merely 70, 000 tonnes were produced. Generally, both of the amount of honey production and the number of honey-bee colonies were decreased over 40 years between 1970 and 2010
There are 2 bar charts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the information about honey-bee in US from 1970 to 2010, the
first
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of honey-bee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
colonies
and the second one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the amount of honey production.

In 1970, there were 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
honey-bee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
colonies
and then after 10 years, these figures rose up to 4, 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
However
, in 1990, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
colonies
fell to 3, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
and decreased during 20 years after.
Specifically
, in 2000, there were approximately 2, 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
and then fell down to 1, 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2010.

Meanwhile, the amount of honey-bee production were 130, 000 tonnes in 1970 and dropped to 110, 000 tonnes in 1980.
In contrast
, these figures rose to 120, 000 in 1990 and then decreased every ten years.
Thus
, in 2000 there were 100, 000 tonnes and then in 2010,
merely
70, 000 tonnes
were produced
.

Generally
, both of the amount of honey production and the number of honey-bee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
colonies
were decreased
over 40 years between 1970 and 2010
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IELTS academic honey bee colonies and honey bee production in US

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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