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Given are two circle charts concerning the percentage of four retail sectors in terms of travel, film\music,books and clothes in an online way in new Zealand in two separate years 2003 and 2013.

Given are two circle charts concerning the percentage of four retail sectors in terms of travel, film\music, books and clothes in an online way in new Zealand in two separate years 2003 and 2013. Wgrjk
Given are two circle charts concerning the percentage of four retail sectors in terms of travel, film\music, books and clothes in an online way in new Zealand in two separate years 2003 and 2013. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that it was travel whose proportion was the highest of all while the figure for books consisted the least percentage in the former year. By contrast, film and music ranked in the first place, witnessing a growing trend in the latter year. Focusing on details, 36% of online sales for retail sectors was made up of travel which was the most popular item in 2003. The figure for clothes accounted for nearly the same as film and music, comprising 24 and 21 respectively. The least bought item was for books which consisted of 19%. 2013 witnessed a marked decrease of 29% in the online sales for books while the figure for film and music outnumbered with 33%. As regards books, it accounted for roughly a quarter, experiencing a negligible increase by 3%. Regarding clothes, its proportion was nowhere near as high as that of film and music, making up 16% in 2013.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
two circle charts concerning the percentage of four retail sectors in terms of travel, film\music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and clothes
Consider replacing "in an online way" with the adverb for "online"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an online way
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
new Zealand
in two separate years 2003 and 2013.

Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that it was travel whose proportion was the highest of all while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
consisted the least percentage in the former year. By contrast, film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
ranked in the
first
place, witnessing a growing trend in the latter year.

Focusing on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 36% of online sales for retail sectors
was made
up of travel which was the most popular item in 2003. The figure for clothes accounted for
nearly
the same as film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, comprising 24 and 21
respectively
. The least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
item was for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which consisted of 19%.

2013 witnessed a marked decrease of 29% in the online sales for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
while the figure for film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
outnumbered with 33%. As regards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, it accounted for roughly a quarter, experiencing a negligible increase by 3%. Regarding clothes, its proportion was nowhere near as high as that of film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, making up 16% in 2013.
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IELTS academic Given are two circle charts concerning the percentage of four retail sectors in terms of travel, film\music, books and clothes in an online way in new Zealand in two separate years 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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