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Germany electricity generation, 2009 (560 billion KWh) and France electricity generation, 2009 (510 billion KWh)

Germany electricity generation, 2009 (560 billion KWh) and France electricity generation, 2009 (510 billion KWh) g55Lg
The four charts compare the electricity generated between Germany and France in 2009, and it is measured in billion KWh. Overall, it can be seen that main source of electricity generated is conventional thermal in Germany, whereas Nuclear is main source in France. The bulk of electricity measured in Germany 560 billion KWh that of France 510 billion KWh. For the conventional, its source supplied highest, more than half of the bulk while in France, conventional use was immensely minimal. In addition, France source was Nuclear, remaining about a quarter of the total bulk. Furthermore, in renewable, France means of generating power was from hydroelectric 80. 5%, Germany used only 17. 7%, also renewables in Germany and France during conventional ranges from 17. 4% to 13. 7%. Moving on, Germany main light source was Biomas 39'3%, France had the contrary, 8. 1%. Wind 36. 9% was seen to be another avenue by which power was generated higher in Germany, but drastically decreased in France 10. 5%. Then, Solar, it's source was significantly low 6. 1% in Germany and 0. 9% in France. It is only Geothermal that generated nothing
The four charts compare the electricity
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generated
between Germany and France in 2009, and it
is measured
in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
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KWh
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that main
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source
of electricity
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generated
is
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conventional
thermal in Germany, whereas Nuclear is main
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source
in France. The bulk of electricity measured in Germany 560 billion
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KWh
that of France 510 billion
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KWh
.

For the
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conventional
, its
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source
supplied highest, more than half of the bulk while in France,
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conventional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was
immensely
minimal.
In addition
, France
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source
was Nuclear, remaining about a quarter of the total bulk.

Furthermore
, in renewable, France means of generating power was from hydroelectric 80. 5%, Germany
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
17. 7%,
also
renewables in Germany and France during
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conventional
ranges from 17. 4% to 13. 7%. Moving on, Germany main light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
Biomas
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39'3
%, France had the contrary, 8. 1%. Wind 36. 9% was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be another avenue by which power was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generated
higher in Germany,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
drastically
decreased in France 10. 5%. Then, Solar, it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was
significantly
low 6. 1% in Germany and 0. 9% in France. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Geothermal that
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generated
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nothing
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IELTS academic Germany electricity generation, 2009 (560 billion KWh) and France electricity generation, 2009 (510 billion KWh)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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