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Further down graph provide the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer Aswell as the pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home

Further down graph provide the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer Aswell as the pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home 3lPl
Further down graph provide the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer Aswell as the pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English homeOutlook the graph in summer season the uses of electricity is bit less than the winter season. during 3 to 9 there is constant use of electricity but from 9 to 15 it changes drastically upto 20000 units of electricity again constant in 15 to 21 and then changes in 21 to 24. During winter time the usage is 30000 to 40000 units of electricity it increases 9 to 21 and decrease from 21 to 24 same as 3 to 9In second chart illustrates electricity mostly used in heating room and water 52%. little less in oven, kettles, washing machines as 17%. furthermore 15% stands to lighting, tv, radio vaccum cleaner, food mixers, electric tools stood same as 15%
Further
down graph provide the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in England during typical days in winter and summer
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Aswell
as the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in an average English
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homeOutlook
the graph in summer season the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
Consider using a past participle here: "bitten".
bit
less than
Consider using "winter".
the winter season
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
during
3 to 9 there is constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from 9 to 15 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
drastically
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upto
20000 units of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
again constant in 15 to 21 and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in 21 to 24. During winter time the usage is 30000 to 40000 units of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
it increases 9 to 21 and decrease from 21 to 24 same as 3 to 9In second chart illustrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in heating room and water 52%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
little
less in oven, kettles, washing machines as 17%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
15% stands to lighting,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, radio
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccum
cleaner, food mixers, electric tools stood same as 15%
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IELTS academic Further down graph provide the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer Aswell as the pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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