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explain in detail of pie chart and give your opinion

explain in detail of pie chart and give your opinion m18W8
The pie chart illustrates, why two age groups of students opt Dorrifod University. Data is calibrated in percentage. Overall, the primary reason for both the age groups to opt this university because this school was very close to their homes. But, the reputation of the teaching staff was least preferable reason for the age group 18-24, in order to choose this university. However, for the age group 25 and over, the opportunity to study abroad as part of the course was least preferable reason in order to study in Dorrifod. For the age group 18-24, more than two-third students opt this university because of the course they offered and close to their homes. Additionally, for the age 25 and over, their primary and secondary reason was same that of other age group, but their combine percentage was 63. For the age group 18-24, facilities on campus and the opportunity to study abroad as part of course, reason to opt this school was seven times and three times that of age group 25 and over. 12% and 20%, students of age group 25 and over, take this university because of the reputation of teaching staff and their relations in the industry. But, only 6%, students of age group 18-24, opted this university because of the status of their teaching staff and industrial relations.
The pie chart illustrates, why two
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age
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groups
of
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students
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opt
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dorrifod
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University
. Data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, the primary
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reason
for both the
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age
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groups
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
this
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university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this school was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to their homes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the reputation of the teaching staff was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
preferable
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reason
for the
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age
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group
18-24, in order to choose this
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university
.
However
, for the
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age
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group
25 and
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over
, the opportunity to study abroad as part of the course was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
preferable
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reason
in order to study in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dorrifod
.

For the
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age
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group
18-24, more than two-third
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
this
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university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the course they offered and close to their homes.
Additionally
, for the
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age
25 and
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over
, their primary and secondary
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reason
was same that of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their combine percentage was 63. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
18-24, facilities on campus and the opportunity to study abroad as part
of course
,
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reason
to
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opt
this school was seven times and three times that of
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25 and
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over. 12%
and 20%,
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students
of
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25 and
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over
, take this
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university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reputation of teaching staff and their relations in the industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
18-24, opted this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the status of their teaching staff and industrial relations.
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IELTS academic explain in detail of pie chart and give your opinion

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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