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eople now attending college for different reasons

eople now attending college for different reasons dpVWo
Life has been changing dramatically in many areas, especially in the education field. Colleges are playing a big role in our life, and people now attending college for different reasons. While some people go to college to get the experience, I believe that attending college is vital not only because of the skills and knowledge it gives us, but also because it could enlarge our friendship circles. And I will illustrate more in the subsequent paragraphs. To start, career building. Colleges now provides students with the needed skills and competencies to compete in a highly competitive market. For instant, my brother wants to work in marketing, but he could not get any because he did not have a marketing degree. In addition, he did not perform well in the job that related to marketing. Finally, he realized that he needs to get a degree to get his dream job, so he attended to a college and got his degree. As a result, he worked in a marketing job, and he is now the manager of a marketing department. This shows that we need than passion to get a good job in our highly dynamic world we live in, and the college degree is the best mean for that. Secondly, enlarge our friendship circles. Having friends may be one of the things that prevents us from going crazy in this world and a college could be the place for that. For example, I did not have a lot of friends at school, unlike college, where I spent a lot of time with my colleague studying, working on projects, and sparing our free time together. Consequently, we become friends and we still talk until now. From this, we can see that if I had not attend to the college, I would not have had as many friends as now. To sum up, going to college does have its merits, such as equip our self with the needed background for a job and meet new people and make new friendships.
Life has been changing
dramatically
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas,
especially
in the education field. Colleges are playing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in our life, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
attending college for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to college to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the experience, I believe that attending college is vital not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge it gives us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could enlarge our friendship circles. And I will illustrate more in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, career building. Colleges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
provides students with the needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and competencies to compete in a
highly
competitive market. For instant, my brother wants to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he did not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
In addition
, he did not perform well in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
.
Finally
, he realized that he needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he attended to a college and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
As a result
, he worked in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
the manager of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
department. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that we need than passion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in our
highly
dynamic world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, and the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is the best mean for that.

Secondly
, enlarge our friendship circles. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
may be one of the things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
us from going crazy in this world and a college could be the place for that.
For example
, I did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at school, unlike college, where I spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with my colleague studying, working on projects, and sparing our free time together.
Consequently
, we become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
we
still
talk until
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
. From this, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that if I had not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "attended".
attend
to the college, I would not have had as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To sum up, going to college does have its merits, such as equip our self with the needed background for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friendships.

IELTS academic eople now attending college for different reasons

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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