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The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different ag

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different ag L3oDV
The table provides information about the percentage of the population attending cinemas and the average visits to the cinema while the line graph shows the cinema visits according to different age groups during a five-year period commencing from 1996 in Australia. As can be clearly seen from the table, the percentage of cinema attendants and the number of average visits fluctuated dramatically. At the beginning of the period, with only 62% initially, the percentage of cinema participation soared significantly, reached a peak of 72% and stabilized at the highest level in 1998 and 2000 despite there was a slight dropped of 2% in 1999. Similarly, the average frequency peak at 11. 1 times in 1997 after recording a negligible increase from 10. 3 times to 11. 1 times. However, from this point, it fell sharply to 8. 3 times in the next year and hit a trough of 8. 2 times at the end of 1999. In terms of cinema visits according to the age group, younger demographics were, the more likely they were to enjoy visiting the cinema and vice versa. The rate of participants aged from 14 to 24 topped the list with 15% and in that of the 50 plus years experienced the lowest level (10%) in 1996. The percentage of teenagers group just accounted for 15% in 1996, at which point, despite some fluctuations, it still made up the highest proportion of total age groups in 1997 and 1999 (22% and 24%). There was a similar pattern fluctuation in people aged 25-35 and 36-49 that the older they were, the less they loved the cinema. Likewise, the oldest group was the least fonded of the cinema (10% in 1996 and 14% in 2000). In conclusion, the number of residents who go to attend a movie grows on a yearly basis. According to the charts, the most age group seeing a movie theatre that was youngsters.
The table provides information about the
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percentage
of the population attending
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cinemas
and the average
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visits
to the
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cinema
while the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
during a five-year period commencing from 1996 in Australia.

As can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the table, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendants and the number of average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
fluctuated
dramatically
. At the beginning of the period, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
62%
initially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
participation soared
significantly
, reached a peak of 72% and stabilized at the highest level in 1998 and 2000 despite there was a slight dropped of 2% in 1999.
Similarly
, the average frequency peak at 11. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in 1997 after recording a negligible increase from 10. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to 11. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
However
, from this point, it fell
sharply
to 8. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in the
next
year and hit a trough of 8. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1999.

In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, younger demographics were, the more likely they were to enjoy visiting the
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cinema
and vice versa. The rate of participants aged from 14 to 24
Possible agreement error. The noun 'topped' seems to be countable, so consider using: "tops".
topped
the list with 15% and in that of the 50 plus years experienced the lowest level (10%) in 1996. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accounted for 15% in 1996, at which point, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, it
still
made up the highest proportion of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in 1997 and 1999 (22% and 24%). There was a similar pattern fluctuation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 25-35 and 36-49 that the older they were, the less they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
the
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cinema
.
Likewise
, the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was the least
Possible spelling mistake found.
fonded
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
(10% in 1996 and 14% in 2000).

In conclusion
, the number of residents who go to attend a movie grows on a yearly basis. According to the charts, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
seeing a movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
that was youngsters.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different ag

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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