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Dsicrive the bar chat where Canadian people visit many place in last year.

Dsicrive the bar chat where Canadian people visit many place in last year. GNXX2
The bar graph compares the places which are visited by three groups of people who live in Canada. It is clear that most of the Canadian prefer to visit the cinema but the library is very popular among the new migrants in other countries. However, all groups of people like visiting the theater the least. In terms of cinema, it is the most popular activity which is preferred by 70% Canadian people. Around 65% of new migrants born in english speaking countries visit cinema. Which is the second highest category. People who are new migrants in other countries visit the cinema is 50%. Library is very popular among the new migrants who born in english speaking country and they visit the library is around 55%. 40% of new migrants from english speaking countries and around 45% of Canadian also visit there. On the other hand, zoos are visited most by 50% of english speaking migrants. Canadian people like to spend their time at the zoo and they visit the zoo at around 42%. Around 35% of new migrants born in other countries preferred to visit zoos. Theater is visited by 25% of english speaking migrants. People who were born in Canada visit the theater is 20%. Only 10% of new migrants born in other countries visit the theater.
The bar graph compares the places which
are visited
by three groups of
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Canada.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most of the Canadian prefer to
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visit
the
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cinema
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but
the library is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among the
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new
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migrants
in
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other
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countries
.
However
, all groups of
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people
like visiting the
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theater
the least.

In terms of
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cinema
, it is the most popular activity which
is preferred
by 70% Canadian
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people
.
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Around
65% of
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
born in
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
speaking
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is the second highest category.
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People
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who
are
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new
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migrants
in
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
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visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is 50%. Library is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
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migrants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
born in
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
speaking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they
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visit
the library is
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around
55%. 40% of
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new
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migrants
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
speaking
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countries
and
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around
45% of Canadian
also
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visit
there.

On the
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other
hand, zoos
are visited
most by 50% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
. Canadian
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people
like to spend their time at the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
zoo and
they
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visit
the zoo at
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around
42%.
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Around
35% of
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new
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migrants
born in
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other
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countries
preferred to
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visit
zoos.
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Theater
is visited
by 25% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were born
in Canada
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visit
the
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theater
is 20%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
10% of
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
born in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
.
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IELTS academic Dsicrive the bar chat where Canadian people visit many place in last year.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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