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discusion leisure activities

discusion leisure activities BLkOV
The provided bar chart illustrates how much time the youngest and oldest populations spend on leisure and sports activities in the US in 2015. Overall, it can be seen that while youngsters andthe elderly spent approximately the same amount of time socializing and communicating, watching TV consumed most of the leisure time of both two age groups. People aged 75 or more took more time to relax, think, read and watch TV than 15-to 19-year-olds. The daily average hours youngsters spent on watching TV were roughly 10 times higher than that on relaxing, thinking and reading. Meanwhile, watching TV consumed 4. 5 hours of the elderly’recreation time, higher than that relaxing, thinking and reading consumed by around 3. 9 and 3. 5 hours sequentially. The amount of time spent on the remaining activities by the young was higher than that by the old. While there was a minimal difference between the average daily hours which people in the two age groups spent on socializing and communicating, the time amount youngsters spent on playing games or using computers for leisure was more than two times higher than that the elderly spent. Moreover, older people spent roughly 0. 25 hours on sport, exercise and recreation, lower than that spent by the young by roughly 0. 375 hours.
The provided bar chart illustrates how much
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time
the youngest and oldest populations spend on leisure and sports activities in the US in 2015.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
that while youngsters
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andthe
elderly
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spent
approximately the same amount of
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time
socializing and communicating, watching TV consumed most of the leisure
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time
of both two age groups.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
aged 75 or more took more
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time
to relax,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, read and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV than 15-to 19-year-olds. The daily average
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hours
youngsters
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spent
on watching TV were roughly 10
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times
higher than that on relaxing, thinking and reading. Meanwhile, watching TV consumed 4. 5
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hours
of the elderly’recreation
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time
, higher than that relaxing, thinking and reading consumed by around 3. 9 and 3. 5
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hours
sequentially
.

The amount of
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time
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spent
on the remaining activities by the young was higher than that by the
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old
. While there was a minimal difference between the average daily
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hours
which
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people
in the two age groups
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spent
on socializing and communicating, the
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time
amount youngsters
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spent
on playing games or using computers for leisure was more than two
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times
higher than that the elderly
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spent
.
Moreover
, older
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people
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spent
roughly 0. 25
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hours
on sport, exercise and recreation, lower than that
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spent
by the young by roughly 0. 375
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
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IELTS academic discusion leisure activities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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