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disadvantage advantages of increasing life expectancy

disadvantage advantages of increasing life expectancy jVNod
Nowadays, people are worried about health, education and especially life expectancy. This essay will address the positive aspect and disadvantage of the given issue and give my opinion. First of all, the advantage of increased life expectancy is old people can be helpful. Consequently, our life is so fast and some of us don’t have enough time to do housework and take care of their children. In addition, old people got lots of experiments and can give us advises when we got trouble. For instance, my Dad used to show me some taekwondo’s to save me when I got dangerous and gave me a lot of advises in the education and life experienced. However, it caused over population. There will be no where for old people to live. For example in China, they can’t live in the rent house because of living standard is more and more higher so they just lived in the small apartment. In conclusion, the disadvantages of the increased of life expectancy outweigh the advantages. Nowadays, the world is going more higher and higher with new technology and great education but the population problems always still there and we have to find ways to solve this issue properly.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worried
about health, education and
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy. This essay will address the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect and disadvantage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
issue and give my opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the advantage of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be helpful.
Consequently
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do housework and take care of their children.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lots of experiments and can give us advises when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
trouble.
For instance
, my Dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'taekwondo'.
taekwondo’s
to save me when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and gave me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advises in the education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experienced.
However
, it caused over population. There will be
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
where for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For example
in China, they can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the rent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of living standard is more and
Use only "higher" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
apartment.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of the increased of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy outweigh the advantages. Nowadays, the world is going
Use only "higher" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more higher
and higher with new technology and great education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the population problems always
still
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find ways to solve this issue
properly
.
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IELTS academic disadvantage advantages of increasing life expectancy

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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