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Diagram for Forming metal rods for furniture industry

Diagram for Forming metal rods for furniture industry EqAox
The diagram represents the manufacturing process of steel rods in the furniture industry overall the process contains 11 steps starting from the raw material to the final inspection of steel rods. first of all the iron ore, yellow. ore and carbon serve as raw material which is passed through the melting and it is heated to a temperature of 1300-1500°c in a melting chamber. This melted material is passed through the smelting cabin for the refinement process. The hot melted metal is further & processed through a pouring machine where glowing metal is poured into ingots the ingots are connected through a cooling reservoir where temperatures of hot metal are brought down to 60-100°C and cooled metal goes through nozzles to form metal strands. Following this, the metal is passed through rollers to give its desired shape.
The diagram represents the manufacturing process of steel rods in the furniture industry

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
the process contains 11 steps starting from the raw material to the final inspection of steel rods.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
the iron ore, yellow.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ore
and carbon serve as raw material which
is passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the melting and it
is heated
to a temperature of 1300-1500°c in a melting chamber. This melted material
is passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the smelting cabin for the refinement process. The hot melted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
is
further
& processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a pouring machine where glowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
is poured
into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ingots


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
ingots
are connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a cooling reservoir where temperatures of hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
are brought
down to 60
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "-100 °C"
-100°C
and cooled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
nozzles to form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
strands. Following this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
metal
is passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
rollers to give its desired shape.
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IELTS academic Diagram for Forming metal rods for furniture industry

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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