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Describing the diagram of lifecycle of frog

Describing the diagram of lifecycle of frog D20Pj
The diagram shows the natural process in the cycle of life of a frog from egg mass. Generally, the life of a frog through 7 steps developmental phases from egg to a fully grown amphibian. Until one day the frog fully matures and starts a new life cycle Initially, I will describe the first five steps where the process takes place underwater. The fertilised eggs grow into embryos from which very small tadpoles emerge and shelter under plants in the water or pond. The tadpole begins life black in colour and it has a long tail and shorter body. As it grows, external gills for breathing are produced while subsequent stages in its development include a longer tail and when this stage is complete back limbs begin to appear which allows the tiny creature to swim faster. The baby frog is nourished from food and nutrients stored in its tail, and the next stage in the cycle is for front limbs to begin growing while the tail shrinks and eventually disappears. At each stage the creature continues to enlarge significantly and changes in colour from black, to dark green and ultimately to bright green.
The diagram
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shows
the natural process in the cycle of
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life
of a
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frog
from egg mass.

Generally
, the
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life
of a
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frog
through 7 steps developmental phases from egg to a
fully
grown amphibian. Until one day the
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frog
fully
matures and
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starts
a new
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life
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cycle


Initially
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the
first
five steps where the process takes place underwater. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilised' is British English.
fertilised
eggs grow into embryos from which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tadpoles emerge and shelter under plants in the water or pond. The tadpole
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begins
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life
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
black in colour
and it has a long
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tail
and shorter body. As it grows, external gills for breathing
are produced
while subsequent
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stages
in its development include a longer
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tail
and when this
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stage
is complete back limbs
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begin
to appear which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the tiny creature to swim faster.

The baby
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frog
is nourished
from food and nutrients stored in its
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tail
, and the
next
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stage
in the cycle is for front limbs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
growing while the
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tail
shrinks and
eventually
disappears. At each
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stage
the creature continues to enlarge
significantly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
from black, to dark green and
ultimately
to bright green.
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IELTS academic Describing the diagram of lifecycle of frog

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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