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describe the bar chart and the pie chart

describe the bar chart and the pie chart pLMy0
The bar chart shows the percentage of people who were overweight between 1965 to 2015, while the pie chart indicates the weight range of the adult population in 2015. As we can see, the most percentage of people were obese, and also the number of obese people rose between 1965 to 2015. As you can understand from the pie chart, most of the people were too fat and then 31 percent of them were overweight. The percentage of healthy people was near to overweight people. Too much fat people who were in dangerous condition was just 6 percent of people in 2015. Three-quarter of people were obese, overweight, and severely obese. In addition in the bar chart, the growth of this type of people is clear. Between1965 to 1985 the percentage of overweight people was around 50 also it rose in 1995 to 60 percent and finally increased to about 70 percent in 2015.
The bar
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chart
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shows
the
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percentage
of
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people
who were
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overweight
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1965 and 2015".
between 1965 to 2015
, while the pie
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chart
indicates the weight range of the adult population in 2015. As we can
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see
, the most
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percentage
of
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people
were
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obese
, and
also
the number of
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obese
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people
rose
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1965 and 2015".
between 1965 to 2015
. As you can understand from the pie
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chart
, most of the
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people
were too
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fat
and then 31
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percent
of them were
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overweight
. The
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percentage
of healthy
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people
was near to
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overweight
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people
. Too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
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people
who were in
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dangerous
condition was
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just
6
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percent
of
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people
in 2015. Three-quarter of
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people
were
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obese
,
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overweight
, and
severely
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obese
. In
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addition
in the bar
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chart
, the growth of this type of
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people
is
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clear
. Between1965 to 1985 the
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percentage
of
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overweight
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people
was around 50
also
it rose in 1995 to 60
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percent
and
finally
increased to about 70
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percent
in 2015.
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IELTS academic describe the bar chart and the pie chart

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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