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describe about two diagram

describe about two diagram VPBwA
Both of the graphs below show the figures for participants who have entered the Olympics over a period of 88 years, from 1924 to 2012. The first bar chart depicts data on the number of male and female athletes competing in the Olympics, while the second line graph depicts data on the number of athletes competing in the Olympics. Both charts have an upward trend throughout the years from 1924 to 2012 and reach it peak in 2012. In the bar chart, the number of men participating in the Olympics has steadily increased over the past 88 years, from about 3000 to approximately 6000, which means that since 2012 the number of men who have participated in the Olympics has almost doubled. It is especially worth mentioning that the number of women participating in the Olympics has grown rapidly, although from 1924 to 1984 it increased by less than 1500 people, but from 1984 to 2012 it increased sharply 3000 people from roughly 2000 to approximately 5000. Despite the fact that the number of women has increased dramatically, the number of men still outnumbers them. In the second line graph, from 1924 to 1984, the number of people participating in the Olympics increased steadily, from about 4000 to approximately 7000. But since 1984, because of the large participation of women, the number of participants also followed. That's an impressive increase, from 7000 has increased to approximately 11000.
Both of the graphs below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the figures for participants who have entered the Olympics over a period of 88 years, from 1924 to 2012.

The
first
bar chart depicts data on the
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number
of male and female athletes competing in the Olympics, while the second line graph depicts data on the
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number
of athletes competing in the Olympics. Both charts have an upward trend throughout the years from 1924 to 2012 and reach it peak in 2012.

In the bar chart, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
participating in the Olympics has
steadily
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increased
over the past 88 years, from about 3000 to
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approximately
6000, which means that since 2012 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who have participated in the Olympics has almost doubled. It is
especially
worth mentioning that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women participating in the Olympics has grown
rapidly
, although from 1924 to 1984 it
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increased
by less than 1500
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people
,
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but
from 1984 to 2012 it
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increased
sharply
3000
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people
from roughly 2000 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
5000. Despite the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women has
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increased
dramatically
, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
still
outnumbers them.

In the second line graph, from 1924 to 1984, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participating in the Olympics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
steadily
, from about 4000 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
7000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
since 1984,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the large participation of women, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants
also
followed. That's an impressive increase, from 7000 has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
11000.
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IELTS academic describe about two diagram

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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