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data on people's science qualifications in Malaysia and Singapore

data on people's science qualifications in Malaysia and Singapore 86QNk
The bar chart demonstrates data on people's science qualifications in Malaysia and Singapore. Overall, while the percentage of people with no scientific qualifications is the largest, that of people with Master’s degree is the lowest in two countries. Looking at the chart, the proportion of people who hold Master’s degree is approximately 5 % in both countries. The percentage of people in Singapore with Bachelor's degree is 20%, which is twice more than the percentage in Malaysia. By contrast, the proportion of Singaporeans having School leaving exams accont for 30%, which is 5% less than that of Malaysians. The percentage of people who don’t have qualification in science is 65% in Malaysia, which is 5% more than its of people in Singapore.
The bar chart demonstrates data on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's science qualifications in Malaysia and Singapore.
Overall
, while the
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percentage
of
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people
with no scientific qualifications is the largest, that of
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people
with Master’s degree is the lowest in two countries.

Looking at the chart, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold Master’s degree is approximately 5 % in both countries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Singapore with Bachelor's degree is 20%, which is twice more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in Malaysia.

By contrast, the proportion of Singaporeans having School leaving exams
Possible spelling mistake found.
accont
for 30%, which is 5% less than that of Malaysians. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don’t have qualification in science is 65% in Malaysia, which is 5% more than its of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Singapore.
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IELTS academic data on people's science qualifications in Malaysia and Singapore

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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