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culture and spare activities where male participated in

culture and spare activities where male participated in ElyPr
The pie chart illustrates the activities of both genders. The first graph shows the culture and spare activities where male participated in. However, second graph depicts activities in which girls participated in. There are six different types of occupation in each graph. Overall, we can see that, equal number of boys and girls are participated in music. Similarly, while, boys prefered skateboarding and girls choose gymnastic. It is clear that, majority of males intrested in basketball whereas, approximately same proportion of females like dancing. Fewer girls played computer games while boys are double in number to played that same by 34%. On the other hand, greater part of girls prefer to reading activity that is 21% however, only 2% men interesting in this. Moreover, soccer which play by boys and girls spent time on netball activity there are little bit difference by 27% and 15% respectively.
The pie chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of both genders. The
first
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the culture and spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
where male participated in.
However
, second graph depicts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
participated in. There are six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of occupation in each graph.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, equal number of
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boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are participated
in music.
Similarly
, while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
skateboarding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
choose gymnastic.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, majority of males
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
in basketball whereas, approximately same proportion of females like dancing. Fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
played computer games while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
double in number
to played that same by 34%.

On the other hand
, greater part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer to
Did you mean "read"?
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that is
21%
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
interesting in this.
Moreover
, soccer which play by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
spent time on netball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
there are
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
difference by 27% and 15%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic culture and spare activities where male participated in

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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