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country Export earnings in 2015 and 2016

country Export earnings in 2015 and 2016 mW53r
The diagram illustrates the earnings of different product categories exports (petroleum, engineered, gems, jewelry, agricultural and textiles) of one country during 2015 and 2016. The earnings are shown in terms of billions of dollars. In 2015, the country was having the biggest earnings from petroleum products with a value of around 60 billion dollars, it seems that petroleum products are still the highest earnings in 2016. But the engineered products are very close contributing with more than 60 billion dollars and having increased by 8. 5% percent. The improvement in the textiles products is very noticeable, with a 15. 42% percent improvement than the last year, which makes it the highest percentage change among all other products. The agricultural products seem to be the same earnings, slightly above 3o billion dollars in both years. Gems and jewelry are the only products that have decreased in 2016 than in 2015, with a percentage of 5. 18%. Overall, it can be shown that the 2016 earnings have increased in all of the product categories except for the gems and jewelry.
The diagram illustrates the
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earnings
of
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different
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product
categories exports

(petroleum, engineered, gems, jewelry, agricultural and textiles) of one country

during 2015 and 2016. The
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earnings
are shown
in terms of
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billions
of dollars.

In 2015, the country was having the biggest
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earnings
from petroleum
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products
with a value of around 60
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billion
dollars, it seems that petroleum
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products
are
still
the highest
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earnings
in 2016.
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But
the engineered
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products
are
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very
close contributing with more than 60
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billion
dollars and having increased by 8. 5% percent. The improvement in the textiles
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products
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
noticeable, with a 15. 42% percent improvement than the last year, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the highest percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
among all other products.

The agricultural
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products
seem to be the same
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earnings
,
slightly
above 3o
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billion
dollars in both years. Gems and jewelry are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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products
that have decreased in 2016 than in 2015, with a percentage of 5. 18%.

Overall
, it can
be shown
that the 2016
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earnings
have increased in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
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product
categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the gems and jewelry.
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IELTS academic country Export earnings in 2015 and 2016

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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