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countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant gxWj3
The bar chart shown the figure of employment rate about male and female between 2005 and 2015 in three counties( Australia, Japan, Ireland). Overall, the rate of worker who is male in Japan was the highest around nearly 80% for both years. Opposite, the figure of worker in Australia and Ireland fluctued in 2005 and 2015. The number of male often was higher than the number of famale in two chart. In Australia, the percentage of male workers increased steadily from over just 60% in 2005 up to 70% in 2015. Similarly, the female workers in there rose gradually by about 15% from nearly 40% in 2005. The number of men and women in employment in Ireland went up slightly through each year from approximately 70% with rate of men and around nearly 50% with rate of woman.
The bar chart shown the figure of employment
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rate
about male and female between 2005 and 2015 in three counties
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Australia, Japan, Ireland).

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
who is male in Japan was the highest around
nearly
80% for both years. Opposite, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
in Australia and Ireland
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctued
in 2005 and 2015. The number of male
The adverb 'often' usually goes after the verb 'was'.
often was
higher than the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
famale
in two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'chart' seems to be countable, so consider using: "charts".
chart
.

In Australia, the percentage of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
increased
steadily
from over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
60% in 2005 up to 70% in 2015.
Similarly
, the female
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workers
in there rose
gradually
by about 15% from
nearly
40% in 2005. The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in employment in Ireland went up
slightly
through each year from approximately 70% with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and around
nearly
50% with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of woman.
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IELTS academic countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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