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Compare three chart on telephone call

Compare three chart on telephone call oE5VX
The given bar chart illustrates the time spent by UK citizens on different sort of telephone calls over a period of eight years from 1995 to 2002. At the beginning of the period, local fixed line calls was by far the most popular way of calls and stood at approximately 70 minutes(billions). Then it rose significantly and reached a peak at 90 minutes(billion) in 1999. After that, until 2002 these calls dropped to the same number in 1995. National and international fixed line calls started at approximately 40 minutes(billion). It was a gradual increase until the end of the period. Mobile calls were the least popular type of calls. However, it jumped dramatically during the period. It is more noticeable, especially over the second half of the period. Overall, although at first it was a major difference between all categories, it reduced gradually and there was a narrow gap between them eventually
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the time spent by UK citizens on
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different
sort of telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
over a period of eight years from 1995 to 2002.

At the beginning of the period, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
was by far the most popular way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
and stood at approximately 70 minutes(billions). Then it rose
significantly
and reached a peak at 90 minutes(billion) in 1999. After that, until 2002 these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
dropped to the same number in 1995.

National and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at approximately 40 minutes(billion). It was a gradual increase until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
were the least popular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
.
However
, it jumped
dramatically
during the period. It is more noticeable,
especially
over the second half of the period.

Overall
, although at
first
it was a major difference between all categories, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
gradually
and there was a narrow gap between them
eventually
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IELTS academic Compare three chart on telephone call

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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