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Compare and summery the bar graph and line graph

Compare and summery the bar graph and line graph NMALd
The given two charts illustrated information about the number and gender of the athletes who had entered the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, whereas the line graph showed only the participants. The general overview here is that there were always significantly more men entering than women. There were hardly any women entering the GAMEs. In 2012, however, the number of female athletes rose significantly to nearly 5000, only one thousand lower than male participants. The line graph revealed a similar trend, with the number of participants increasing from 1924 to 2012. The most significant increase happened between 1964 to 2012. The number of athletes increased dramatically from just over 6, 000 to over 10, 000 in 2012. To sum up, the number of athletes has increased noticeably since 1924 to 2012. This is particularly the case for women, who are now represented in nearly the same numbers as male participants.
The
given
two charts illustrated information about the
number
and gender of the
athletes
who had entered the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, whereas the line graph
showed
only
the participants.

The general overview here is that there were always
significantly
more
men
entering than women. There were hardly any women entering the
GAMEs
. In 2012,
however
, the
number
of female
athletes
rose
significantly
to
nearly
5000,
only
one thousand lower than male participants.

The line graph revealed a similar trend, with the
number
of participants increasing from 1924 to 2012. The most significant increase happened
between 1964 to 2012
.
The
number
of
athletes
increased
dramatically
from
just
over 6, 000 to over 10, 000 in 2012.

To sum up, the
number
of
athletes
has increased
noticeably
since 1924 to 2012. This is
particularly
the case for women, who are
now
represented in
nearly
the same
numbers
as male participants.
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IELTS academic Compare and summery the bar graph and line graph

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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