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coffee shop sales in an office building

coffee shop sales in an office building 0nVB1
This table shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekday. First as we can see, in the morning from 07: 30 to 10: 30 am coffee and pastries sales were much higher than any other foods. Also this is the highest sales of the day in total 700 foods and drinks. Because this coffee shop is in an office building, office workers enjoy drinking coffee with sweet pastry early in the morning for a fresh start of their work. Secondly coffee sales decreased from 10: 30 to 02: 30 pm but sandwiches sales increased since workers had their lunch. In the afternoon from 02: 30 to 05: 30 pm their lowest sale with only 370 foods and drinks. Although coffee sales went up again from 05: 30 to 08: 30 on dinner time. In general, coffee sells the most among all food products in this coffee shop with about seven hundred cups per day only. As reported by this table, the second highest consumed product is pastry and third one is sandwich. Otherwise tea is the least bought product.
This table
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shows
the
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sales
made by a
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coffee
shop in an office building on a typical weekday.
First
as we can
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see
, in the morning from 07: 30 to 10: 30 am
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coffee
and pastries
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sales
were much higher than any other
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foods
.
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Also
this is the highest
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sales
of the day in total 700
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foods
and drinks.
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Because
this
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coffee
shop is in an office building, office workers enjoy drinking
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coffee
with sweet pastry early in the morning for a fresh
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start
of their work.
Secondly
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coffee
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sales
decreased from 10: 30 to 02: 30 pm
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but
sandwiches
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sales
increased since workers had their lunch. In the afternoon from 02: 30 to 05: 30 pm their lowest
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sale
with
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only
370
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foods
and drinks. Although
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coffee
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sales
went up again from 05: 30 to 08: 30 on dinner time.
In general
,
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coffee
sells the most among all
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food
products in this
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coffee
shop with about seven hundred cups per day
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only
. As reported by this table, the second highest consumed product is pastry and third one is sandwich.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
tea is the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
product.
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IELTS academic coffee shop sales in an office building

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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