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carbon dioxide emitted by UK people

carbon dioxide emitted by UK people 7rwr2
The line graph illustrates the mean of carbon dioxided exhaled per person in four different countries over a period of four decades. Overall, it is obvious from the given data, that the carbon dioxide excretion has steadily decreased dor over a period of forty years in the United Kingdom. Whereas, in Portugal, the people released carbon dioxide which hiked in last three decades, later encountered a plateau in next decade. It can be clearly observed, that the people of of Sweden excreted approximately, 9 metric tonnes of carbon dioxide in the year 1967, which rosed substantially over the decade. Likewise, in Portugal the carbon dioxide level surged from 1967 to 1987 and jumped from almost 3 metric tonnes to 5 meteic tonnes per person and finally reached a plateau in next ten years; 1997 to 2007. On the other hand, the United Kingdom encountered a steep fall in the level of carbon dioxide excreted per person; from 11 metric tonnes to almost 9 metric tonnes over a period of four decades.
The line graph illustrates the mean of
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carbon
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dioxided
exhaled per person in four
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different
countries
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over
a period of four decades.

Overall
, it is obvious from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide excretion has
steadily
decreased dor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a period of forty years in the United Kingdom. Whereas, in Portugal, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide which hiked in last three decades, later encountered a plateau in
next
decade.

It can be
clearly
observed, that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
Sweden excreted approximately, 9 metric tonnes of
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carbon
dioxide in the year 1967, which
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rosed
substantially
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over
the decade.
Likewise
, in Portugal the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide level surged from 1967 to 1987 and jumped from almost 3 metric tonnes to 5
Possible spelling mistake found.
meteic
tonnes per person and
finally
reached a plateau in
next
ten years; 1997 to 2007.

On the other hand
, the United Kingdom encountered a steep fall in the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide excreted per person; from 11 metric tonnes to almost 9 metric tonnes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a period of four decades.
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IELTS academic carbon dioxide emitted by UK people

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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