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basic domestic skills are important because they are necessary skills

basic domestic skills are important because they are necessary skills pJro9
Firstly, basic domestic skills are important because they are necessary skills which young people should know how to do properly during daily life. For example, young people can share house chores with their parents and siblings so they help each other on a practical day. As a result, these are valuable skills to help them develop their responsibilities such as communication skills and listening skills. Furthermore, domestic skills should be developed at home. Parents can dedicate the appropriate tasks which are suitable for each age of their children. Young children should be given clear instruction to complete a task such as set up the table before the meals. Teenagers should be taught how to prepare and cook a meal. Finally, domestic skills should be introduced in summer break activities and parents should encourage young people to participate in one of the short courses. For example: cooking courses, sewing courses and computer courses which will benefit their future. Therefore, they will learn and have fun with their friends.
Firstly
, basic domestic
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skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are necessary
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skills
which
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should know how to do
properly
during daily life.
For example
,
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores with their parents and siblings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other on a practical day.
As a result
, these are valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their responsibilities such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Furthermore
, domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be developed
at home. Parents can dedicate the appropriate tasks which are suitable for each age of their children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
instruction to complete a task such as set up the table
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the meals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
should
be taught
how to prepare and cook a meal.
Finally
, domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be introduced
in summer break activities and parents should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to participate in one of the short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
For example
: cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, sewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which will benefit their future.
Therefore
, they will learn and have fun with their friends.

IELTS academic basic domestic skills are important because they are necessary skills

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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