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diagrams ellucidate the differences in the development of the analogue mobile phone and a digital phone.

diagrams ellucidate the differences in the development of the analogue mobile phone and a digital phone. mbqoq
The two diagrams ellucidate the differences in the development of the analogue mobile phone and a digital phone. In general, the earliest form had features like a black /white display which was improved to a full-colour display in the contemporary phone. The analogue one had a function select button which was improved to extra functions in the digital phone. Only the earphone feature was constant for both analogue and digital phone. To begin with, the analogue mobile phone measured 130mm in length and 50mm in width and weighed 150g. Also at the top right was the ear phone port. In addition, the screen gave a black/ white display and it had a function select button at the middle. In contrast, the digital mobile phone is lighter(70g) and smaller(90mm by 40mm) as compared to the analogue one. In addition to this, the screen gives a full-colour display as opposed to the analogue phone which has a black/white display. Furthermore, it has an extra feature of a camera with video capability.
The two diagrams
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ellucidate
the differences in the development of the
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analogue
mobile
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phone
and a digital phone.

In general
, the earliest form had features like a black /white
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display
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
full-colour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
display
in the contemporary
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phone
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
analogue
one had a function select button which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to extra functions in the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the earphone feature was constant for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
analogue
and digital phone.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
analogue
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
measured
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "130 mm"
130mm
in length and
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "50 mm"
50mm
in width and weighed 150g.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
at the top right was the ear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
port.
In addition
, the screen gave a black/ white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
display
and it had a function select button at the middle.

In contrast
, the digital mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is lighter(70g) and smaller(
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "90 mm"
90mm
by
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 mm"
40mm
) as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
analogue
one.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition to this, the screen gives a
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full-colour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
display
as opposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
analogue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which has a black/white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
display
.
Furthermore
, it has an extra feature of a camera with video capability.
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IELTS academic diagrams ellucidate the differences in the development of the analogue mobile phone and a digital phone.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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