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Analytical paragraph about pie charts

Analytical paragraph about pie charts W5xWW
The two pie charts compare the expenditure on ads by different types of media in India from 2012 to 2017. Overall, the trend observed is that television spent the most on advertisements, with printed media at a close second place. Over the 5 year time period, there was an increase of 43% to 45% of expenditure from television. In contrast while there was a 8 percent decrease in printed media. Additionally, digital media made up a short 6% of ad expenditure, which significantly increased to 15% in 2017. On the other hand, radio media, which spent 7% in 2012, had a decline to 4% in 2017. Although many types of media have shown growth, outdoor media remained at a constant 5% expenditure throughout the given time period. Henceforth, we can see how the popularity and trends of the world’s culture have shifted to social media over time. Nevertheless, change is necessary for the media to reach all types of people.
The two pie charts compare the
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expenditure
on ads by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in India from 2012 to 2017.
Overall
, the trend observed is that television spent the most on advertisements, with printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
at a close second place. Over the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "5-year"
5 year
time period, there was an increase of 43% to 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
from television. In
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contrast
while there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
8 percent decrease in printed
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media
.
Additionally
, digital
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media
made up a short 6% of ad
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expenditure
, which
significantly
increased to 15% in 2017.
On the other hand
, radio
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media
, which spent 7% in 2012, had a decline to 4% in 2017. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have shown growth, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
remained at a constant 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period. Henceforth, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the popularity and trends of the world’s culture have shifted to social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
over time.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to reach all types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic Analytical paragraph about pie charts

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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