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Age when getting married by age group in 1996 and 2008.

Age when getting married by age group in 1996 and 2008. m2VGq
The bar diagramd illustrate the proportion of two genders such as male and female who were getting married, comprising the six different age groups in 1996 and 2000. Overall, it is apparent from the chart that female aged 25-29 showed the highest percentage of getting marry in both the years, whereas the lowest figure of female who were about to be bride can be observed at the age of 16-19. Regarding to the first chart, approximately 12% of female aged 25-29 were interested in marriage which was more by roughly 4% than that of 30-34 age group. However, the female of age 16-19 accounted for more than 0%. On the other hand, the equal ratio of people getting married showed the male aged 25-29 and 30-34 with just over 8%. Turning to the second diagram, just under 12% of male aged 30-34 were getting married. Followed by 35-39 age group, male were accounted for over 8%. Similarly, 8% of female aged 30-34 were enchanted to weds. The most noticeable point is that the make if age 16-18 were not getting married in both the years.
The bar
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diagramd
illustrate the proportion of two genders such as male and
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female
who were getting married, comprising the six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
groups in 1996 and 2000.

Overall
, it is apparent from the chart that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
25-29
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the highest percentage of getting marry in both the years, whereas the lowest figure of
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female
who were about to be bride can
be observed
at the
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age
of 16-19.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the
first
chart, approximately 12% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
25-29
were interested
in marriage which was more by roughly 4% than that of 30-34
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age
group.
However
, the
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female
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
16-19 accounted for more than 0%.
On the other hand
, the equal ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the male
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aged
25-29 and 30-34 with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 8%.

Turning to the second diagram,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 12% of male
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aged
30-34 were getting married. Followed by 35-39
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age
group, male
were accounted
for over 8%.
Similarly
, 8% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
30-34
were enchanted
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "wed".
weds
. The most noticeable point is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
16-18 were not getting married in both the years.
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IELTS academic Age when getting married by age group in 1996 and 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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