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Advantages and disadvantages for a country of Europe

Advantages and disadvantages for a country of Europe kYLWN
The bar graph illustrates the civilian proportion of one European country where people saw a movie on different days from 2003 to 2007. Overall, people in this country prefer to go to cinemas on weekends, especially on Saturday. Which is top one of the survey over the years, accounted for more than 40%. Followed by Sunday, there are more than 30% people were planning to see a movie on Sunday. In addition, Sunday's proportion accounted for 30% for 2003, 38% for 2005, and 33% for 2007. Civilians are more willing to the cinemas on Saturday and Sunday in 2005. Besides, the percentage of people who went to the cinemas on Friday remained stable from 2003 to 2007, which is 30%. Furthermore, less people were willing to go the cinemas on Monday and Wednesday in 2003. However, in 2005 the percentage of weekdays are similar. In 2007, the lowest proportion is Wednesday, less than 10% of the civilians went to the cinemas on the day. To sum up, the proportion of people went to the cinemas weren't change a lot on weekends in these years. Nonetheless, the percentage altered during weekdays, especially from Monday to Thursday over the years.
The bar graph illustrates the civilian
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proportion
of one European country where
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a movie on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
days from 2003 to 2007.

Overall
,
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people
in this country prefer to go to
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cinemas
on weekends,
especially
on Saturday. Which is top one of the survey over the years, accounted for more than 40%. Followed by Sunday, there are more than 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a movie on Sunday.
In addition
, Sunday's
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proportion
accounted for 30% for 2003, 38% for 2005, and 33% for 2007. Civilians are more willing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
on Saturday and Sunday in 2005.

Besides
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
on Friday remained stable from 2003 to 2007, which is 30%.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were willing to go the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
on Monday and Wednesday in 2003.
However
, in 2005 the percentage of weekdays are similar. In 2007, the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
is Wednesday, less than 10% of the civilians went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
on the day.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
weren't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a lot on weekends in these years. Nonetheless, the percentage altered during weekdays,
especially
from Monday to Thursday over the years.
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IELTS academic Advantages and disadvantages for a country of Europe

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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