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talk about an event in my life

talk about an event in my life aEXRo
Hello everyone. I’m Sy, I come from Vietnam. Today I talk about an event in my life. When I was in Vietnam, my life was nothing special. I went to school every day, but my Education Achievement not too good, not only that but also because my personality is shy and not confident, so I didn’t have any friends at school. I lived with the pressure day by day, the pressure of scores in the exams, of going to school every day, and not having friends to share the difficulties. It was such a terrible time for me. Step to the last year at high school, I thought I have to do anything to change my current life. After researching, thinking about what I want, what I like and then I decided to come to Japan to study. This is the riskiest decision of my life, a 17 years old boy with immatureness and shyness, always be under the control of my parents decided to stay in a completely strange place, with no relatives, no friends. However, thanks to my braveness, I've totally changed. A new version of confidence, independence, fearlessness has appeared until now. I can't deny that the first time when I went to Japan I was like everyone else, I also met many difficulties and confusion. But relying on the assistance of teachers, friends, and my determination I have integrated quickly into life here. Currently, in addition to studying at school, I also work part-time at a Japanese restaurant. It not only gives me sufficient salary to pay subsistence fee but also I could get chance to work with Japanese people, from that I learned to be hardworking, serious and on time from them and these things are so useful for my future. In my opinion, studying abroad brings the greatest advantage. I could know a new language, learn about Japanese culture, get to know many new friends and most importantly I have been mature and able to live independently
Hello everyone. I’m
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sy
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from Vietnam.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I talk about an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When I was in Vietnam, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
was nothing special. I went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my Education Achievement not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my personality is shy and not confident,
so
I didn’t have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with the pressure day by day, the pressure of scores in the exams, of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
every day, and not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to share the difficulties. It was such a terrible time for me.

Step to the last year at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. After researching, thinking about what I want, what I like and then I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Japan to study. This is the riskiest decision of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, a 17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy with
Possible spelling mistake found.
immatureness
and shyness, always be under the control of my parents decided to stay in a completely strange place, with no relatives, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
However
, thanks to my braveness, I've
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. A new version of confidence, independence, fearlessness has appeared until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. I can't deny that the
first
time when I went to Japan I was like everyone else, I
also
met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties and confusion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
relying on the assistance of teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and my determination I have integrated
quickly
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
here.
Currently
,
in addition
to studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
also
work part-time at a Japanese restaurant. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives me sufficient salary to pay subsistence fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to work with Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, from that I learned to be hardworking, serious and on time from them and these things are
so
useful for my future.

In my opinion, studying abroad brings the greatest advantage. I could know a new language, learn about Japanese culture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and most
importantly
I have been mature and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
independently
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IELTS speaking talk about an event in my life

Speaking
  American English
3 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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